Hello, Internet People!
by Hyperactive Random Girl
Summary: What kind of madness would result when the Doctor gets- horror of horrors- a blog!
1. Hello, Internet!

**Hello!**

Hello, Internet people! I am the Doctor! I go around saving universes and doing lots of cool things! And if you need saving, which, granted, most people do, just ask me!

- The Doctor

* * *

**[Untitled Post]**

_Doctor, cut back on the exclamation marks. -Amy_

What? Amy? How'd you get my password?

_To be honest, it was rather easy to guess. -Rory_

Is not!

_Doctor, we know you. -Amy_

But- my password's in Gallifreyan!

_The TARDIS may have helped us. . . :D Your time machine is sometimes way more helpful than you are. -Amy_

What's that? That thing with the capital d and the colon?

_AMY! DON'T TELL HIM! -Rory_

_What's wrong with telling him? It's just an emoticon. Doctor, if you look at it sideways, it's a face, see? -Amy_

Ooh. . . This opens up new possibilities. :)

_Oh, God, it's already started. -Rory_

But why hasn't it got a nose?

Amy?

Rory?

Hello?

* * *

**Well, I Don't Know What to Call this Post. . . Susan was always good at coming up with names- oh, dear, I have to capitalize all that.**

Seriously? These two posts got 1,000 pageviews but no comments or anything? I thought the Internet would be more. . . _interactive_ and fun instead of. . . stuck in a _net_. :(

-The Doctor

* * *

**Comments: (5)**

It would help if you told us your name.

_- Rose Tyler, 10:00 A.M._

Rose?

Rose, is that really- Rose Tyler, with a mum who slaps people a lot and gets all shouty and unhappy whenever I accidentally put you in danger?

_-The Doctor, [Error 31415- Time Zone Unknown]_

Oi! My mum isn't all that "shouty", thank you very much. Who the hell are you? How do you know all this? I've never even met you before!

_-Rose Tyler, 1: 38 P.M._

The Doctor. Just 'The Doctor".

_-The Doctor, [Error 31415- Time Zone Unknown]_

Oh. . . you haven't met me yet. . . That clears it all up.

_-The Doctor, [Error 31415- Time Zone Unknown]_

* * *

**Right, Let Me Just Clear This Up. . .**

I'm the Doctor. Just "The Doctor". I'm not about to tell you my name, and there's a perfectly good reason for that, because nobody knows my name.

Well, except my wife.

It's timey-wimey, so I can't be sure.

Anyway, I'm a Time Lord from Gallifrey, and I travel the universe in a TARDIS- up and downy stuff in a big blue box- and I meet other people. And get into lots of trouble.

And save people.

And, maybe, just _occasionally_ commit genocide.

So if you have a planet that needs saving, or even just a city, just contact me. :D

* * *

**Comments: (7)**

You must be some deranged lunatic or something.

_-Anonymous_

I am not! Everything I just typed was true!

_-The Doctor, [Error 31415- Time Zone Unknown]_

Time travel is impossible. And you just said that you've committed genocide! Obviously, you're a madman.

_-Anonymous_

Oi! Don't insult the Doctor! I'll have you know, my husband is a Roman Centurion. Time travel IS possible.

_-Amy Pond, [Error 31415- Time Zone Unknown]_

Um, Amy, that's kind of a secret. . .

_-Rory Williams, [Error 31415- Time Zone Unknown]_

You're all crazy! I don't even know why I'm reading this blog, it's weirdly compelling. Spaceman, you're really a madman.

_-Donna Temple-Noble, 8:00 P.M._

DONNA! GET OFF THIS SITE NOW!

_-The Doctor, [Error 31415- Time Zone Unknown]_

* * *

**. . .Honestly, I AM Rubbish With Names.**

I might have to close this site down. It's too dangerous.

Danger-ous.

Weird word.

Humans are weird, too. Well, not weird. Humany-wumany.

-The Doctor

* * *

**Comments: (3)**

DOCTOR. YOU WILL BE DELETED.

_-The Cyber-Leader_

See, that's just what I meant when I said "too dangerous."

_-The Doctor, [Error 31415- Time Zone Unknown]_

And Silence will fall. . .

_-The Silence_

Yes, silence will fall, this blog will be silent- wait, who was I talking to?

_-The Doctor, [Error 31415- Time Zone Unknown]_

* * *

The Doctor closed his laptop. "I hate the Internet," he announced to. . . well, there was nobody else in the room, really.

The TARDIS whirred, as though to say, "I told you so."

"It's full of lunatics." He glared at the laptop balefully.

Amy walked in, bearing two cups of tea. "What is? The TARDIS?"

The Doctor spluttered. "The TARDIS is not full of lunatics! You- _you_, Amelia Pond, are not a lunatic."

Amy handed a cup to the Doctor, smirking. "I think I must be, to have come along with you."

The Doctor pouted and sipped at his tea. "I was talking about the Internet."

"Right. Did you close down the blog, like Rory said?"

The Doctor sighed. "Yes,_ 'Mum'_."

Amy rolled her eyes. "You shouldn't take the Internet seriously. People on there can be really mean for no reason."

"But it started out as something serious! Very serious! And now it's full of. . ._ cat videos."_

"Exactly. You can't take something filled with cat videos seriously."

The Doctor looked mournfully at the laptop. "Though. . . it was fun while it lasted."

The TARDIS hummed in annoyance.

The laptop sparked and died.

The Doctor sighed. "You could never handle competition, old girl, eh?" He looked up at the ceiling.

Amy giggled into her tea.

* * *

**This is just a little thing I thought of because I was really bored. XD The Doctor and the Internet, oh, the horror!**

**I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I did writing it!**


	2. Hello, FanFiction!

**This plot bunny was handed to me by Ari, Daughter of Zeus, so thanks!**

**This turned out a bit angstier than I intended, however.**

**Disclaimer, as I didn't put one in the last chapter: DO. NOT. OWN. *sighs sadly***

* * *

"Doctor?"

Oh, dear. This was not good at all. Rory had his Roman Centurion voice. The Doctor turned around nervously, fiddling with one of his cufflinks.

"What is this?" Rory gestured to the Doctor's laptop.

"Well, it's my laptop, Rory."

"Don't avoid the question," said Rory exasperatedly. "I mean,_ what the hell is this_?" Rory flipped the laptop open and gestured to a website labeled "FanFiction".

Mentally, the Doctor started calculating escape plans. "Oh, that- that's just. . ."

Amy appeared. "Yes, Doctor, we can read. It's fanfiction."

Hastily, the Doctor tried to explain, all chances of escape gone. "Well, it's rather interesting really. You see, apparently, in an alternate universe, we're part of a show on the telly! And it's really popular! And- and- and the TARDIS somehow got a hold of some of the websites from there that somehow leaked through, and some were fanfiction sites! But, Amy, it's really fascinating to see what they think about us and- and-" His voice trailed off at Amy's eye-roll.

"But why did _you_ write some as well?" exclaimed Rory.

The Doctor huffed. "Well, they were making some wild conjectures, so I decided to set the record straight!"

"Right, and this is how you set the record straight- by writing fics." Amy's eyebrows crept toward her hairline.

* * *

**Setting the Record Straight**

**By: cool_like_bowties**

**Chapter One**

Amy used to have a crush on the Doctor.

Read: used to.

So after the whole incident the night before her wedding, Amy pretty much lost interest in the Doctor.

After all, she was married now, wasn't she? Married to a sword-wielding centurion who looked like any old nurse. Sword-wielding centurions who haven't wiped out entire planets and civilizations (and his own people, mind you) are much better choices than silly old men who have done the aforementioned.

Amy should know that.

Amy _does_ know that.

* * *

Amy and Rory exchanged looks over the glow of the laptop, then glanced at the Doctor, who looked as though someone had popped out of a Harry Potter book and done the Full Body-Bind curse on him.

Rory finally broke the silence (no, not that kind). "As much as I'm annoyed with this, I really do hope this first chapter is true."

Amy huffed annoyedly. "Of course it's true, stupid. " She gave him a peck on the cheek, thus ending all debates about the topic.

* * *

** Chapter Two**

The Master is dead.

Really, really dead.

He is.

He's not coming back, as brilliantly horribly amazing that would be. He exhausted all his powers when killing Rassilon, he's not coming back at all.

That's all.

* * *

The Doctor looked up at Amy. "Well, it's _true_, Amy."

Amy merely sighed and pulled him into a hug.

* * *

** Chapter Three**

The Doctor would never eat fish fingers, jammie dodgers, and jelly babies all at once.

That would be horrendous.

It really would taste awful.

It's true.

And he will never, ever, ever like carrots.

Carrots are bad.

* * *

"Doctor, that's a lie. You once asked for a custard-flavored ice-cream cone with a jelly baby topping and fish fingers with jammie dodgers on the side," said Rory flatly.

The Doctor pouted. "Haven't you been listening to River? Rule One, The Doctor Lies."

Rory continued, "And that cake that Amy made for your birthday? It was a carrot cake."

The Doctor's eyes widened in unadulterated horror.

* * *

** Chapter Four**

The Doctor doesn't speak to anyone in Gallifreyan for a reason.

One, he's the only one left who can understand it.

Two, it sounds to the untrained ear like screeching bats.

Apparently.

To him, it sounds like soft, lyrical musical notes.

Nobody else would understand.

* * *

"Screeching bats?" asked Amy, raising an eyebrow. "Let's hear it."

The Doctor sighed and uttered something along the lines of "It's going to be awful" in Gallifreyan.

Amy and Rory clapped their hands over their ears and nearly fell over. "Stop, Doctor!" Rory yelled.

The Doctor smirked.

* * *

** Chapter Five**

The Doctor wouldn't go mad without his companions.

He already is.

* * *

Rory closed the laptop gently. "Doctor, just delete the fics. We don't want our deepest secrets leaked to these. . . these _Whovians_."

"No!"

"Or we'll ban the laptop," Amy said warningly.

"Fine, then!"

Rory sighed and walked out of the room with the laptop, presumably to use it for sword practice. Amy followed him, probably to help him destroy it.

The TARDIS whirred happily.

The Doctor glared. "Really, old girl, you can't stand competition, even from a primitive Earth computer?"

The TARDIS hummed in agreement.


End file.
